


i'm not ready (to be just another of your mistakes)

by carissima



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Bad Decisions, Bisexuality, Butt Plugs, Coming Out, Dildos, Forgiveness, Insecurity, Misunderstandings, Porn Watching, Sexual Frustration, Willy Might Be Though, Zach Is Not Perfect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carissima/pseuds/carissima
Summary: “So I think I’m bisexual,” Willy says and Zach promptly spits out the beer he’d just taken a sip of.





	i'm not ready (to be just another of your mistakes)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to laura and karen for reading this over and pointing out things that needed a little work, and to bee for the beta.
> 
> warnings at the end

Zach’s on his third beer and he’s quietly laughing at Jake and Mitch’s weird dance-off that seems to be a thing that’s happening right in the middle of the VIP section where they’re hanging out. He doesn’t notice that Willy’s standing next to him until he watches Mitch trying to do some weird Magic Mike move and he has to turn away because he can’t stand his own second-hand embarrassment for another minute.

And there’s Willy, hands in his pockets, a smirk playing on his lips as he continues to watch the dance-off, because his threshold of second-hand embarrassment is clearly much higher than Zach’s.

“Hey,” Zach says and takes a sip of his beer. “What’s up?”

Willy turns away from the horrors that are happening on the dancefloor and shifts so he’s standing in front of Zach, his smirk sliding into a more natural smile. He’s wearing a soft-looking white jumper and dark skinnies, his hair styled in his usual tousled style, so Zach reaches up to tuck a rogue strand of hair back into place.

“Thanks,” Willy says and his smile brightens.

Zach has a momentary brain-freeze, which is how he always reacts when Willy smiles like that and it’s aimed at him, but he’s known Willy for years now, so it just takes a moment now and then he’s back to normal.

“So I think I’m bisexual,” Willy says and Zach promptly spits out the beer he’d just taken a sip of. Willy blinks and then wipes his face and Zach would feel embarrassed, probably, if his body didn’t feel like he’d been dipped in a frozen lake, paralyzing him from head to toe.

“Wha-?” is all he manages.

Willy somehow looks bashful, which is a look that is so alien on him that Zach seriously wonders if he’s somehow been transported to an alternate universe.

“I think I’m bisexual,” he repeats, like it makes any more sense the second time Zach hears it. “And I want to date you.”

Zach feels like his entire world has been flipped at least three times in the last five minutes and he’s not sure whether he’s standing upright at this point. “You want to date me,” he echoes stupidly, although it doesn’t make any more sense when he hears it in his own voice.

“Yeah,” Willy says softly, moving closer until his chest is pressed against Zach’s. Normally when they’re this close, they’re both wearing pads and layers of clothes and an arena full of fans are screaming in the background. This is … intimate. Willy has very long eyelashes, he thinks distantly. It’s also possible that he’s fluttering them at Zach. “What do you think?”

Zach realizes that he’s sort of holding his breath so he stops doing that immediately, dragging in air like he’s been bag-skated or something, and then he wriggles his hand up between them and places his palm flat on Willy’s chest. Willy’s eyes go dark and Zach has a sudden flash of insight of what it would be like to have Willy’s full attention focused on him. His breath hitches just as he pushes gently, forcing Willy to take a confused half-step back.

“Willy,” he says gently. “If you think you’re bisexual, I think you should figure that out first. I’m not letting you practice on me because I’m the only gay guy you know.”

“Okay,” Willy says slowly. There’s a frown marring his beautiful face but he’s not trying to step into Zach’s personal space anymore. “First, you’re not the only gay guy I know.”

Zach refrains from rolling his eyes because he’s absolutely the only gay person Willy knows. Zach’s been out since he turned 16 and he’s still the only out hockey player that he’s aware of.

“And secondly, I’m not practicing, dude,” Willy says, sounding affronted. “I wanna date you. For real.”

“Willy,” Zach says again before he sighs and reaches out to wrap his hand around Willy’s wrist, drawing him a little closer because this isn’t a conversation they should be having in a club, where anyone can overhear them. Luckily, most of the team is still watching the most tragic dance-off in the world, and the music is loud enough to mask what they’re saying. “Look. Figuring out your sexuality can be confusing and intense, you know?” Zach spent three years figuring his shit out and he’s still not entirely sure he’s got it right but he’s mostly comfortable with himself. Those three years were not his finest. Willy looks far too relaxed to be going through some kind of sexuality crisis.

“Yeah?” Willy says. He looks interested in what Zach’s saying, but Zach’s certain that Willy isn’t getting his message.

Zach sighs heavily. He’s probably not the best person for Willy to be talking to. His best friends are hockey players, who’ve spent all their lives surrounded by other hockey players. He was raised in a hockey family, his brothers all play hockey and aside from a few college friends, he knows exactly three gay people. He’s slept with all of them, their numbers have since been deleted from his phone, and one of them was a one-night stand mistake that he really wishes he could forget. All he has to go on here is his own experience, and that was confusing and terrifying and his first kiss was with a guy who told him five minutes after Zach had attempted to give his first blowjob that he had a girlfriend and that this whole thing had been fun but he wasn’t serious or anything.

Zach had cried himself to sleep every night for a month, afterwards.

He can’t be Willy’s practice guy. He knows Willy has a heart of gold and would never, ever intentionally use Zach. But he’s been there. He knows how this goes. And he can’t do this with Willy. He won’t. He just. He can’t. Not with Willy. He’s not an experiment. Not for Willy.

“I just,” Zach tries and pauses to exhale slowly. “I think you should take some time. You know? Figure out how you actually feel. Make sure that you uh, know what you’re getting into, I guess?”

Willy looks at him for a long second. His hair is falling into his eyes again but this time, Zach doesn’t tuck it away for him. He keeps his hands firmly to himself. He shoves them into his pockets for good measure. “Alright,” Willy says slowly. He doesn’t look particularly upset, so Zach breathes a little easier, certain that he’s right about this. “Can I like, talk to you about stuff though?”

“Yes,” Zach says quickly, relieved. “Yes, of course you can, Willy. Anytime, alright?”

He nods, quirking his lips into a smile. “Okay. Good.”

Zach doesn’t really know what to say after that, still a little stunned by Willy’s confession and vague attempts to take him on a date that probably would have been a full-blown disaster. So he sips his beer, watches a half-clothed Mitch grinding up on Freddie, and is infinitely relieved when Kappy appears, dragging Willy away onto the dancefloor.

Zach watches Willy’s body moving effortlessly in time to the music, his eyes following every sway of his hips and the way his head tips back when he laughs.

They’ve had a narrow escape, Zach thinks as he orders another beer. A very close, narrow escape.

*

Zach throws his bag into his car and is about to climb in when he hears Willy calling his name. He turns around, eyebrows raised and waits for Willy to hurry over to him. “Hey.”

It’s been a few weeks since Willy’s confession in the club, and at first, Zach had worried that things would get weird between them. But Willy had been his usual self, and there’s been no further talk about going on dates or Willy being attracted to men, so Zach is pretty sure that Willy’s phase or whatever it was is over.

“You wanna go grab a coffee?” Willy asks. He’s dressed like Zach, in sweats and a Leafs hoodie, his hair still damp from his post-practice shower. “Or are you busy?”

Zach’s got a conference call in a few hours and he told his mom he’d drop by, but he’s already reaching for his phone. “No, I’ve got an hour or so,” he says, typing out a quick text to his mom, asking if it’s okay if he comes over later than expected. “Where do you wanna go?”

“That place by yours?” Willy says with a shrug.

Zach nods and climbs into his car, rolling down the window. “I’ll meet you there.”

*

Zach’s standing in line when Willy strolls in. No one turns to look at them, which is one of the reasons why Zach likes this place so much.

“My treat,” Willy says smoothly, just as Zach finishes giving the girl at the register their order, and hands over his card.

“Thanks,” Zach says and looks at Willy suspiciously. “Uh, why?”

“Because I invited you,” Willy says, like it’s obvious.

“I’m pretty sure I chose the place,” Zach argues. He’s not really sure why he’s arguing; it’s a done deal, Willy’s already paid and Zach will buy next time. But yet here he is, vaguely annoyed at Willy swooping in with his card.

To his credit, Willy just looks mildly amused. “You wanna buy me a muffin so we’re all square?”

Zach has never seen Willy eat a muffin. “No,” he says reluctantly. “Next coffee’s on me though.”

“Yeah,” Willy agrees with a magnanimous nod. “For sure. You wanna grab a table while I wait for these?”

Zach chooses a table near the back out of habit. There’s only a few other customers in the store, and they’re all sitting within five steps of the coffee machines.

“Thanks,” Zach says as nicely as he can when Willy hands him his coffee. He waits for Willy to sit down before he leans back in his chair and lifts his eyebrows. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Well, last night I put a dildo in my ass,” Willy says conversationally. “I came so fucking hard I almost passed out.”

Zach stares at him. There’s a weird rushing sound in his ears and his body feels like it’s suddenly on fire.

“It was kind of my first time,” Willy continues, and then he squirms and Zach’s gaze instantly drops to Willy’s ass and fuck, he’s _thinking_ things. And he can’t stop.

“Oh,” Zach manages eventually because Willy’s looking at him expectantly. His voice doesn’t really sound like it belongs to him; it’s too high-pitched, too shaky.

Willy leans in, like he wants to share a secret, like he hasn’t just dropped a fucking bombshell right on Zach’s head for what Zach can only assume is Willy’s own personal amusement. “And again this morning,” he half-whispers and Zach can’t take anymore.

“Okay, well first of all, that’s not the smartest move before morning skate,” he says a little unsteadily, even though he’s done it more times than he can count. Zach, however, isn’t a rookie here like Willy. “You’ve gotta ease into it. Your body has to take time to get used to it, you know?”

“I think my body accepted it just fine,” Willy says with a cheeky grin.

“Too much information,” Zach protests, mostly because he can’t get the image of Willy trying to figure out the right angle, the one that gives him most pleasure, the one that nails him just right. He knows Willy’s body intimately and his imagination is vivid. Zach has another hot flush just thinking about it. “But uh, you enjoyed it then? You had fun?”

“Almost too much fun,” Willy says thoughtfully and Zach would cheerfully murder him right now if he could. “I definitely liked it. So, you know.”

It clicks, then. Zach’s been too distracted by visual imagery to think about why Willy’s confessing to his latest sexual discovery to him. “Alright,” Zach says quellingly. “Alright. That’s not like, proof or anything, Will. It just means you like playing with your ass. JT likes being pegged by his wife, but he’s straight, you know?” Zach still isn’t sure whether he gets all his teammates weird sex confessions because he’s gay or because he inspires confidentiality or something. But that entire conversation is one that Zach wishes he could forget. It’s his own fault for assuring JT that if he wasn’t attracted to men then he was most likely straight, because then JT confessed his kink to the entire locker room and now it’s a burden they must all collectively bear.

Willy opens his mouth before he clearly rethinks whatever he’d been about to say, and Zach’s relief is almost overwhelming.

Then Willy squirms in his chair again and Zach bites down hard on whatever noise is trying to escape his traitorous mouth while he helplessly stares.

“Huh,” is what Willy says eventually between sips of his coffee. He seems deep in thought, like maybe the idea that liking something phallic-shaped in his ass didn’t automatically mean he was into actual dudes is something that hadn’t occurred to him before. Zach gets it. Sex and attraction and romance and preference is fucking complicated. And how he feels now might not even be how he feels tomorrow, or next week, or in a year. Zach waits patiently, well versed in how Willy ticks by now. He’s rewarded eventually when Willy sits back in his chair and stretches out his long legs, gifting Zach with one of his brilliant smiles. “So. Has Mo told you his kink yet?”

Zach snorts out a laugh before he can stop himself, all his pent up tension dissipating at once. Willy’s grinning at him and Zach can’t help but mirror him. “My lips are sealed,” he says solemnly.

“Is that a clue?” Willy asks which sends Zach off into another fit of snorting giggles.

*

Zach doesn’t mean to stare at Willy, after the whole coffee shop confession two weeks ago. He honestly doesn’t. Willy is his friend and it’s not fair for Zach to stare at him and wonder if he’s been playing with his dildo recently or whether it was a one-time thing. He doubts it was a one-off though, if Willy enjoyed it that much.

He stands by his opinion though. Liking something in his ass doesn’t mean Willy’s gay or bisexual or pansexual. Personally, Zach thinks ass play is amazing and wonderful and he’s so down for both having his ass played with and playing with other men’s asses. He’s just not sure Willy wants to do that. With guys.

“Hey.”

Zach blinks because he’d been watching Willy wriggle around on a stool for an obscenely long time while he talked to Travis at the bar except Zach must have zoned out for a minute because Willy’s standing in front of him now, his cheeks flushed from alcohol and dancing. They’re out in Toronto, celebrating a win over the Habs and Willy scored the game winner.

“Hey,” Zach says, his lips curving into a helpless smile. “You looked like you were having fun out there.”

Willy laughs and leans heavily into Zach, so he puts an arm around Willy’s shoulders to keep them both upright. “So much fun,” Willy says, tipping his head back until he’s resting on Zach’s arm. He looks kind of dopey and bright-eyed, and Zach just. He really likes him. A lot.

“Good,” Zach says softly. “Good. That’s really good, Willy.”

Willy presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek and Zach laughs. “So much fun,” Willy repeats himself and then he laughs a little wildly. “God, Zach. It feels so good. Why didn’t you tell me how good it feels?”

“What, to score the game winner?” Zach laughs, a puzzled frown on his face. “I think you’ve scored way more than I have, buddy.”

“No, no,” Willy shakes his head. “I mean, yeah, that’s amazing. Best feeling in the world. But Zach. Fuck, Zach. I mean my ass. It feels amazing.”

Zach’s throat closes up. “Yeah?” he murmurs. He can’t see Willy’s ass from where he’s standing but he lets his hand slide down Willy’s arm and feels Willy shudder next to him. His eyes are wide and he’s pressing closer. “Jeez, Willy,” Zach says and drops his hand to Willy’s hip. Willy gasps, almost like he’s overly sensitive to Zach’s touch. “Have you been playing with your dildo again?”

Willy looks half-drunk, but since Zach’s been half-watching him all night, he knows Willy hasn’t had more than two beers all night. “I play with it all the time,” Willy murmurs and Zach swallows hard. “Almost every night, even after games. It’s like, addictive or something.”

Zach immediately flashes back to being seventeen and spending two whole days at home alone while his parents had taken his brothers away for the weekend, leaving Zach with his freshly purchased vibrator and two dildos. He’d fucked himself silly, taking too much too quickly and not even caring that much because even with the stretch and the vague sense of pain, he’d felt so good.

Fuck, he’s half hard right now just remembering it.

“I probably should have warned you about that,” Zach says with a regretful wince. He doesn’t know why he hadn’t. That’s his mistake and he’s a shitty friend for not warning Willy.

“No,” Willy shakes his head. “I was careful. But it’s so good. And I thought about what you said, so I’m trying out a few more things.”

Zach’s hand on Willy’s hip tightens. “What things?” he asks thickly. He shouldn’t ask. He knows he shouldn’t, not when he’s half worked up.

“Butt plug,” Willy sighs with a grin.

“Oh,” Zach says when his voice starts working again. And then his eyes widen. “What, now?”

Willy’s slow smirk is wicked. “You wanna see?”

“No!” Zach says quickly and probably too loudly, even as he thinks about sliding his hand over Willy’s ass. Then he drags his gaze up and shakes his head for good measure. “No,” he says more firmly and at a much more normal pitch. “Fuck. I’ve got to uh.”

He pulls away from Willy, needing to put a little space between them. “I just need uh, I’ll be right back.”

Zach walks away quickly, heading straight for the restroom and leaning over the basin to stare into the mirror hanging above. He looks pale and strained, his eyes too big and his mouth too red, probably from all the unconscious biting while Willy drives him insane.

He takes a deep breath and slaps some cool water on his face, wiping away the drops with his hands. His heart rate is slowly dropping to something more normal and steady.

When he walks back into the club, Willy’s standing right where Zach left him, a beer dangling between his fingers and a small smile on his face.

“Hey,” Willy says when he spots him, his face lighting up. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Zach says. “Sorry.”

“Probably too much to drink and not enough food,” Willy says and now he looks concerned. “Hey, you wanna go grab some food?”

Zach looks around at their teammates, scattered through the club and not paying them any attention. Then he looks back at Willy, who has one hand in his back pocket and who looks utterly relaxed. “Yeah,” he decides. “Let’s go.”

He shoots a text to Brownie and waits for Willy to tell Kappy where they’re going and then they’re making their way through the club and out into the fresh air.

“Burger and fries,” Willy says firmly and drags him to the nearest fast food place. Willy orders for both of them.

“Okay, I’m really hungry,” Zach realizes when his food arrives and he digs in. Neither of them talk much until over half of their plates are cleared and Zach actually does feel a lot better than he did. “This is really good. Thanks, Willy.”

Willy shoots him a smile. “No worries,” he says easily. “The food is really good here.”

“Totally,” Zach agrees and pops another fry in his mouth. It’s delicious.

Willy leans in, his arms crossed and resting on the table. “So, why didn’t you tell me how great butt plugs are? What else are you hiding from me?”

Zach half-chokes on his delicious fry. “Uh,” he says and reaches for his drink, taking a long sip through his straw as he stares at an amused Willy. Who keeps waggling his eyebrows in a weird leering manner at him. “I wasn’t hiding it from you,” he says finally. He keeps his voice low and mirrors Willy, leaning in a little so he can keep talking quietly. “I just didn’t know you were thinking about trying it out. Or progressing that far, I guess.”

Willy frowns at him. “Okay,” he says, but he sounds confused, like Zach should have definitely known that once Willy discovered he liked things in his butt, he’d try ALL the things in his butt. And honestly, Zach can’t even blame him. “Well, I got a couple to try out and this one felt the best,” he confesses.

Zach manages to smile encouragingly as Willy tells him - in painful, exquisite detail - about how many fingers he likes to open himself up with and what length and girth butt plug works best for him.

“I don’t want to limit myself though,” Willy continues, blithely unaware of Zach’s discomfort or how embarrassingly hard his dick is under the table. “Like, if there’s other brands out there or shapes, you know.”

“The shape doesn’t really vary that much,” Zach says when it’s clear that Willy expects him to actually contribute to this conversation. “It’s more about length, girth and material, but you’ve figured that out already. If you like it, stick with it, I guess.”

Willy beams at him like he’s imparted some great wisdom, instead of a half-hearted response to butt plugs because Zach is too sexually wound up to give him anything else. He’s got a few butt plugs tucked away in his closet and he’s seriously thinking about going home and digging one out for his own fun. He kind of enjoys them more when he’s with someone though rather than as a solo activity. He’s not sure Willy’s ready for that kind of knowledge yet though.

Later, after Willy’s paid the check despite Zach’s protests and they’ve said goodnight, Zach does take out his butt plugs and lays them out on his bed. He lubes up his fingers and reaches behind himself, going slow as he opens himself up as it’s been a while, and he thinks about Willy doing this to himself. And he thinks that maybe, maybe he’s got this all wrong and that there’s a chance that Willy might like sex with men. He hasn’t mentioned trying any of this out with a guy though, which is a little strange, Zach thinks.

Then he slides his lubed butt plug in and lets out a low moan, and then he can’t think about anything other than getting off as slowly and as often as he can before he passes out.

*

Zach spends almost an entire week with his butt plugs before he decides that enough is enough and packs them away again. It was a really fun week though. Plus, he’s pretty bored afterwards with a few hours to kill, and it’s really tempting to get out a toy for one last hurrah, so it’s probably a good thing when his phone vibrates with a message from Willy, asking if he wants to go for a walk.

“A walk,” Zach reads out loud. Puzzled, he accepts and changes into non-Leafs gear before he heads out to meet Willy.

When he arrives, Willy’s already there, waiting with two coffees in hand.

“Thanks,” Zach says in surprise and takes the cup Willy’s offering. “Well, this is nice. A guy could get used to this kind of service.”

“You’re just easily pleased,” Willy counters and places a paper bag in his free hand.

Zach peers inside and almost salivates when he sees the pastry inside. “Wow. You’re spoiling me, Willy. What are you after?”

“Just looking after my favorite liney,” Willy says, even though they’ve been playing on different lines for most of the season. Still, Zach flushes, pleased, and takes a bite.

They wander through the park aimlessly while Willy talks about the improvements Alex’s made to his game and asks Zach about Shane’s midget team. Zach never misses an opportunity to brag about how great his brothers are doing, so Willy gets a fifteen minute update not just on Shane, but everyone else too.

Zach doesn’t even really notice when they walk past a bench where a couple are kissing, but Willy’s step falters and when Zach looks over to check on him, he follows his gaze.

“Everything okay?” Zach asks carefully, putting his hand on Willy’s back and gently urging him to keep walking.

“Yeah,” Willy says, clearly distracted by the two guys kissing.

“C’mon,” Zach murmurs until Willy starts walking again. “It’s no big deal.”

Willy glances at him like he’s about to argue but he sighs instead. “So it took me a while to find the stuff I like,” he says conversationally. Zach looks at him nonplussed. “Gay porn,” Willy clarifies.

“Oh,” Zach says. He keeps walking in long, even strides. “Uh, congratulations?”

“I’m jerking off to it almost exclusively now,” Willy admits. “I can’t remember the last time I watched straight porn.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Zach says. He throws his empty coffee cup away and turns to give Willy a reassuring smile. “It’s actually really normal.” Willy still looks unsure, so Zach slings his arm around Willy’s waist and starts walking again, forcing Willy into step with him. “Look. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that everything’s 50-50, you know? Sometimes you like one more than the other, but you still like both. And the ratio can change. Nothing’s set in stone, you know? You just. I guess you like who and what you like, and that’s cool.”

He spies an empty bench and pulls Willy down next to him. Willy doesn’t say anything so Zach settles in, idly watching people walk past. The couple from before pass by them, hand-in-hand, whispering and laughing and looking so happy that Zach’s chest actually hurts when he looks at them, yet he’s mesmerized. He can’t seem to look away.

He wants that, he realizes. At some point, hopefully in the not too distant future, he wants someone to hold his hand and take him on dates and kiss him in the park, not caring one jot who sees them. The realization takes him by surprise, and he has to close his eyes for a moment because now that he’s thinking about it, he wants it so badly he can taste it.

Willy shifts next to him, and when Zach looks over, he’s staring at the same couple and there’s a wistful expression on his face. It’s been almost six weeks since Willy’s big confession and Willy hasn’t mentioned the possibility of dating him again. Willy’s tried a lot of things in the past six weeks for the first time and it’s very possible that he’s realized that Zach isn’t even his type, or that he’s looking for something - someone - very different.

The thought makes his stomach churn. He feels pretty shit about it, if he’s being honest. Willy’s going to be an amazing boyfriend to someone, and Zach turned him down. He can’t regret that decision because he still thinks he made the right call, but he definitely could have been more supportive.

Sighing, he turns to face Willy and takes his hand in his own. “Hey, so I need to apologize to you,” Zach says. Willy looks confused and Zach honestly doesn’t think he’s ever felt fonder of him. “When you decided to come out to me, that was a big decision. It’s a really, really important one. And I kind of brushed you off. I shouldn’t have suggested that you didn’t know what you wanted.”

Willy squeezes his hand. “Zach,” he says.

“No, I was a dick,” Zach continues. He’s on a roll now and Willy deserves a little grovelling from him. “I shouldn’t have assumed you were playing around just because you didn’t have the same drawn out, vaguely traumatic coming out that I did. You trusted me and I fucked up. I’m really, really sorry, Will.”

“Zach,” Willy says again, rolling his eyes and looking faintly amused. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, you should learn to hold a grudge then,” Zach says lightly. Inside, he feels awful. Zach’s an idiot and he doesn’t deserve someone as fucking pure as Willy.

“Buy me breakfast in the morning and we’ll call it even,” Willy tells him with a laugh.

And for a moment - one long, frozen moment - Zach thinks Willy’s inviting him to-. But of course he isn’t. “Yeah,” Zach says. “That’s not even close to calling it even but if that’s what you want, breakfast is on me.”

“I want the full works,” Willy warns him. “I’m a hockey player, Zach Hyman. I’m hungry like, all the time.”

“Yeah, because I don’t know anything about how to feed a hockey player,” Zach says dryly.

“Make sure you get all my favorites,” Willy tells him. “I’ll be keeping score.”

Zach knows he’s teasing. He knows it.

He’s still going to knock it out of the fucking park though. He’s genuinely incapable of half-assing anything, and he’s not going to start now.

*

Zach knocks on Willy’s door at 9:00 am exactly. He hadn’t really planned to be so precise, it was just a nice bonus. He’s holding four takeout bags and two coffees, so when Willy opens the door, Zach moves past him with a cheery greeting and heads for the kitchen. He busies himself with getting plates out and cutlery and then does a double take when he sees Willy standing in the doorway, looking amused and sipping the coffee Zach pushed into his hands when he first walked in.

Willy’s naked. Or, well, to be fair he’s wearing a towel slung low across his hips, but he might as well be naked because that’s where Zach’s imagination immediately goes. He’s seen Willy naked. A lot. And now he’s naked - half-naked - and there’s drops of water running down his shoulders from his wet hair and they’re in Willy’s home.

It’s intimate and Zach wants, okay? Willy looks like temptation personified and Zach wants.

“Sorry, I just got out of the shower,” Willy says, shoving his free hand through his hair and shrugging. “I wasn’t sure what time you’d be round.”

Zach clears his throat. “Uh. No, sorry. Do you want to put on some clothes before we eat?”

Willy takes a few steps into the kitchen and swipes a few blueberries from one of the plates. “Sure,” he says easily over his shoulder as he leaves.

Zach watches him go. He can’t help it. Willy’s body is a work of art and Zach’s not immune. And, Zach notices with only a hint of shame, there’s no hickeys or marks on Willy’s upper body that suggest that he’s on his current sexual journey with someone else.

Zach wonders if maybe he still has a chance.

Willy reappears wearing a pair of shorts and a faded t-shirt and they sit out on Willy’s balcony to eat.

“You did good,” Willy tells him. He’s already demolished his bowl of muesli, which Zach thinks tastes like cardboard but Willy loves it for some reason. Willy’s insistence on eating sandwich meats and cheeses at breakfast is weird, but Zach provided them because he’s a good friend and he promised Willy a feast. Zach mostly fills up on pastries that Willy only picks at and between them, they finish a fresh pot of coffee.

Zach grins at him, feeling smug. “Yeah?”

“Oh shut up,” Willy laughs and nudges his foot against Zach’s leg under the table. “You don’t need me to stroke your ego.”

Zach half-chokes on his coffee. “No,” he says in a strangled voice. “No stroking necessary.”

Willy laughs and hands him a glass of water, which Zach gratefully swallows. “So. Vibrators. Can I ask your advice?”

Zach very carefully puts his glass down on the table. “Sure,” he says as evenly as possible. “What do you want to know?”

*

On Thursday, they go back to Zach’s favorite coffee place and he gets a full recount of the two vibrators Willy bought and tested. It’s torture. Zach drinks too much coffee, spends half the night awake desperately trying not to imagine Willy with a vibrator up his ass and gives up around 2 am and gets himself off with his favorite dildo.

He bites his bottom lip so hard when he comes that he draws a tiny amount of blood, but at least he didn’t let Willy’s name slip out of his mouth, so he’s counting it as a win.

*

A week later, Willy drops by Zach’s place unannounced and spends half an hour badgering Zach about whether having a ridiculously high sex-drive since his bisexual epiphany is normal or not.

Zach is only human and his patience wears out. “For fucks sake, Willy,” he explodes and storms out of the kitchen where Willy’s staring at him in shock. He walks into his bathroom, locks the door behind him and spends five minutes sitting on the floor, sexually frustrated and pissed off at himself.

When he emerges, Willy looks worried and a little shamefaced. Zach didn’t think he could feel any worse, but apparently he can. A lot worse. “Sorry,” he says softly and pulls Willy carefully in for a hug. Willy wraps his arms around Zach and buries his face into the curve of Zach’s neck, which is both adorable and utterly terrible. “Hey. I’m sorry, okay?”

“It might help,” Willy says, his voice muffled where he’s pressing his face against Zach’s neck, “if you told me how I just fucked up.”

“You didn’t,” Zach sighs and pulls back, holding Willy at arms length so he can look at him. “You didn’t, okay? You’re doing great. You’re curious and asking questions and that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

Willy frowns. “If I’m bothering you -”

“You’re not,” Zach tells him firmly. And then he exhales slowly. “I just. Don’t you think that maybe you should actually try doing some of this stuff with someone else? Like, a guy?”

Willy looks … weird.

Zach is instantly horrified, like maybe he’s missed a secret boyfriend that Willy’s been hiding from him; some secretive, probably gorgeous, definitely built hunk hiding in Willy’s bedroom right this second. Or a fuck buddy. Or someone that Zach’s overlooked, somehow.

“Well, yeah,” Willy says slowly. He pushes his empty plate away and leans back in his chair. “But you said I should be sure that I wasn’t practicing or whatever.”

Zach winces. “Willy,” he says softly. That Willy listened to him and heard what Zach was saying, even though Zach was being a total asshole and Willy should have told him exactly where to go, instead of taking it to heart and acting on terrible, awful advice. On the other hand, he’s a selfish asshole because a part of him is unbelievably relieved that Willy hasn’t been with anyone else. And Zach feels shit about that part of him. “Don’t listen to me, okay? I’m an asshole and I shouldn’t have said anything like that when you came out to me. Look, you should date or fuck or whatever with whoever you want.”

Willy doesn’t lose the vaguely confused expression he’s been sporting for a few minutes now. “Okay?” he says and raises his eyebrows like a question.

“What?” Zach asks cautiously.

Willy makes a frustrated noise and rolls his eyes. “I think I made it quite clear,” he says carefully, “that there was one person I liked and wanted to date, and he kinda turned me down flat.”

His cheeks heat up and Zach feels weirdly lightheaded. “Willy,” he breathes.

“It’s cool,” Willy shrugs and Zach doesn’t know what the hell that means because it doesn’t feel cool. It feels like Willy might still want him. “I probably sorted out a lot of my shit, you know? All I knew was that I liked you and wanted to kiss you, like, so badly.”

“Willy,” Zach says again. He risks pressing his foot against Willy’s ankle and he gets a small smile in return.

“I definitely found out a lot about what my body likes,” Willy grins.

“Willy,” Zach groans and drops his head down onto the table. After a moment, fingers slide into his hair and short fingernails scratch gently against his scalp. Zach kind of wants to whine and push up into Willy’s touch.

“So you should probably know,” Willy says and Zach does lift his head to find Willy watching him intently, “that I’m strictly a relationship guy.”

Zach snorts inelegantly and some of whatever tension he’s been holding onto disappears. “We both know that’s not true, asshole.”

Willy shrugs. “New rule,” he murmurs.

Willy’s looking at him but his gaze keeps darting down to the table and Zach realizes, belatedly, that Willy’s nervous.

“Hey,” he says and scrambles to his feet, circling around the table and pulling Willy to his feet. “Just like, stop me if you want to, okay?”

Zach leans in slowly, watching Willy the whole time so he catches the exact moment Willy realizes what he’s doing, and kisses him, suddenly tired of waiting.

He hadn’t even known he’d been waiting.

Willy’s hands slide around his waist and their bodies connect. It takes almost everything Zach has to keep the kiss small and simple, his hands cupping Willy’s face to keep both of them grounded. He strokes his thumb over Willy’s cheek, the gentle rasp of stubble scraping over his skin and Zach reluctantly ends the kiss, pressing his forehead against Willy’s.

“Okay?” he whispers.

“So okay,” Willy says and makes a grab for him.

Zach stumbles backwards with Willy’s hands still on him and then he’s being pushed down onto the couch. He feels the loss of Willy’s body for a moment and then Willy’s on top of him, pressing his weight over him, and they’re kissing again.

There’s nothing slow or simple about this kiss. Willy’s hands skim up over his hips, sneaking under Zach’s shirt and skimming over his belly. Zach groans and deepens the kiss. Willy enthusiastically gets with the program and Zach quickly loses track of time as he sets about shifting Willy into a more comfortable position straddling Willy’s thighs, kissing the whole time because Zach’s quickly getting addicted to the taste of Willy’s kisses and the feel of him against Zach’s body.

“C’mon,” Willy mutters against Zach’s mouth and then he’s tugging at Zach’s shirt.

“Yeah,” Zach says because getting naked is a great idea and helps him take off the shirt and then he strips Willy’s off because fair is fair.

“Jesus, Zach,” Willy says, running his hands up and down Zach’s torso, making him shiver helplessly. “You’re perfect.”

Zach rolls his eyes and anchors one hand on Willy’s hip and slides the other up, his thumb flicking over Willy’s hardened nipple and drawing a shaky gasp from him. “Not even close,” he says and tugs him down for more kisses, except now there’s bonus skin-on-skin. “I was scared. When you came out to me. I didn’t want to get hurt if you weren’t that serious about this and I was an asshole to you. Not on purpose, but that doesn’t even matter. I was scared.”

“Stop apologizing,” Willy tells him. “Kiss me.”

Zach obliges. He’d be embarrassed about how hard he is, but he can feel Willy’s dick, thanks to his loose sweats, and Zach suspects Willy isn’t even wearing underwear. It’s unbelievably hot. Everything about Willy is hot.

“This okay?” he asks between kisses.

“Yeah,” Willy says and grinds his hips down, both of them gasping as their dicks both find sweet, desperate friction against each other. “So okay.”

Zach slides his thumb under Willy’s jaw and pushes gently until Willy breaks their kiss and tilts his head so Zach can press eager, quick kisses to his throat.

“Alright,” Willy breathes and digs his knees into the sofa before he starts moving with intent, grinding hard against him.

Zach blindly seeks Willy’s mouth again and they kiss - or try to, mostly it’s both of them panting into each other’s mouths - as Willy keeps moving, quicker, faster, driving Zach to the edge before he’s ready.

“Willy,” Zach pants and clamps his hands down hard around Willy’s hips. He comes in his shorts with a long groan, and he’s momentarily embarrassed before Willy whines loudly and his movements stop. Zach can feel Willy pulsing against his thigh and he pulls him down, wrapping himself around Willy as he trembles.

“That,” Willy says, breathing hard, his head tucked somewhere into Zach’s neck, “was unbelievable.” He starts laughing, hot breath ghosting over Zach’s sweaty, rapidly cooling skin. Zach laughs too, his fingers trailing up and down Willy’s back in slow, easy strokes. “I can’t believe we haven’t been doing that for like, years or something.”

Zach turns his head and nudges his nose at Willy’s cheek until he turns his head far enough that Zach can kiss him. He takes it slow, savoring every contented noise Willy makes as they settle into it together.

“Seriously,” Willy says between kisses. “That was. Wow. You know?”

“If you think that was good, wait until you’ve got your dick in me,” Zach says without thinking.

Willy blinks at him and Zach freezes. “Uh.”

“Alright,” Willy says before he huffs out a tense laugh. “Okay, I can’t wait. How long does it take you to recover?”

“I don’t know,” Zach says honestly. “I’m not nineteen anymore.”

“Neither am I,” Willy says and climbs off him, kicking off his pants - and yeah, he’s naked under there - and then he’s reaching for Zach and pulling him up and he has himself an armful of naked Willy.

It’s surreal and incredible, all at once.

“I know this is like, my first time and everything,” Willy says and hooks his thumbs into Zach’s waistband. “So tell me if I’m doing something wrong.” And then he yanks Zach’s shorts down in one smooth move.

Zach stares down at Willy kneeling between his legs and swallows hard. “You’re good,” he says thickly and reaches down to cup Willy’s cheek, smiling when Willy turns his face into his touch. “You’re doing so good, Willy. And you do the same, okay?”

“Yeah,” Willy smiles beatifically up at him. “You wanna go make out on my bed for a while?”

Zach honestly can’t think of anything he wants to do more, right at this second. He helps Willy to his feet and doesn’t let go of Willy’s hand as he’s led to Willy’s bedroom. He catches Willy glancing down at their joined hands and sees his smile.

Turns out Zach’s refractory period is twenty minutes, half of which is spent teaching Willy how to slowly finger him open.

The next time Zach comes, it’s when he’s on his hands and knees, with Willy’s dick inside him and his body draped over Zach like a warm, sweaty blanket, breathing hard into the back of Zach’s neck.

He’s never come so hard in his life.

And afterwards, he takes care of cleaning them both up, managing a wry smile when Willy watches him limping just a little as he moves around the room.

“Was that okay?” Willy asks when Zach crawls back into bed with him.

“Yeah,” Zach says and presses a kiss to Willy’s cheek. “That was more than okay.”

“Okay,” Willy says and snuggles into Zach’s side, sliding his hand possessively over Zach’s hip. “Thanks for the practice, Zach.”

“Too soon,” Zach says, feigning a frown. “You dumping me already, Nylander?”

“I guess I could keep you around for a little bit,” Willy says. He slings his leg over Zach’s. He’s effectively pinned to the mattress. “Learn what I can before I move on, you know?”

“Fuck you,” Zach mutters, his arm tightening around Willy’s shoulders. “You wanted to date me, so we’re dating. We’re gonna date so hard.”

Willy snorts into Zach’s shoulder. “Sounds like a threat,” he teases.

“More like a promise,” Zach says before Willy pulls him in for a long, sweet kiss. “I’m really, really good at dating.”

Willy snuggles back down next to him. “Me too,” he says.

“Oh my god,” Zach groans and stares up at the ceiling. “You’ve been dating me this whole time. The coffee dates. Walks in the park. Taking me out for food.”

Willy snickers next to him. “Maybe.”

Zach immediately starts plotting their next date. It’s going to be epic. Completely over the top. He’s got some catching up to do.

**Author's Note:**

> willy comes out to an already out zach, who casts doubt that willy knows what he's doing or what he wants. zach eventually realizes he was being an asshole and apologizes.
> 
> zach also reminisces about his past experiences which weren't wonderful but doesn't go into detail.


End file.
